I had an eye opening conversation with a friend today. She is a single mom but her three children are all out of the house. One is engaged to be married and her two younger children are both in college. She is in that stage where she has an empty nest and all she wants to do is enjoy her life with no kid responsibility; I can understand that.
She has been dating a man for about a year now. He is a single father, raising an eight year old on his own.
Her main complaint about him is the fact that he does not put her first or focus on her, which clearly is something that he will never be able to do since he is a single father.
She said in the evenings he does not call her or pick up his phone because he says he is busy with his son. On the weekends that he is supposed to not have his son something always happens where he ends up having his son and cancelling dates with her.
Weeknights he is busy taking his son to his activities.
As she was talking I was thinking “Wow, this guy reminds me of… well… ME!”
I said “He is just being a dad” and she said “Yes, but once his son is in bed he should be calling me!” To this I said “Well, I bet once his son is in bed he is running around trying to get things ready for the next day or even better, I bet he is exhausted and is fast asleep himself”.
Once my kids are in bed I take my shower, put on the PJ’s, pack lunches, pack the book bags, lay out clothes, clean up the house and then finally go to bed. I am usually up at 5:30am and I don’t get into bed until well past 11pm. Being on the phone is the last thing I want to do, even my mom complains that I don’t call her!
I cannot justify being on the phone instead of spending time with my children, I just can’t. I only have a few hours each night to actually spend with them because I get home late from work and they need to be in bed by 9pm. Gosh, it’s just a few short hours.. three to be exact!
“Well, on the weekends he should put his foot down and tell his ex-wife that it’s not his weekend to have his son”. I explained to her that if he argued over visitation that would harm his child because the child will feel unwanted. If I happen to have my kids on a weekend that is not my scheduled weekend I just cancel my plans and remake new plans with my children.
“Oh, but Crystal this is why you don’t have a life”
I just don’t see it that way. I have children, they are young and regardless of who has them on whatever weekend, they are my priority. Oh and I absolutely do have a life; a very fabulous life that just happens to be wonderfully busy because my children are my life and there is nothing wrong with that.
I cannot help but think that my friend is being rather selfish. She should let this man go so that he can be with someone who appreciates and understands instead of someone who just demands “more” from him.
I think the conversation was an eye opener for me because I got a glimpse of what it must be like to date me. I guess dating me is pretty lonely.
She has been dating a man for about a year now. He is a single father, raising an eight year old on his own.
Her main complaint about him is the fact that he does not put her first or focus on her, which clearly is something that he will never be able to do since he is a single father.
She said in the evenings he does not call her or pick up his phone because he says he is busy with his son. On the weekends that he is supposed to not have his son something always happens where he ends up having his son and cancelling dates with her.
Weeknights he is busy taking his son to his activities.
As she was talking I was thinking “Wow, this guy reminds me of… well… ME!”
I said “He is just being a dad” and she said “Yes, but once his son is in bed he should be calling me!” To this I said “Well, I bet once his son is in bed he is running around trying to get things ready for the next day or even better, I bet he is exhausted and is fast asleep himself”.
Once my kids are in bed I take my shower, put on the PJ’s, pack lunches, pack the book bags, lay out clothes, clean up the house and then finally go to bed. I am usually up at 5:30am and I don’t get into bed until well past 11pm. Being on the phone is the last thing I want to do, even my mom complains that I don’t call her!
I cannot justify being on the phone instead of spending time with my children, I just can’t. I only have a few hours each night to actually spend with them because I get home late from work and they need to be in bed by 9pm. Gosh, it’s just a few short hours.. three to be exact!
“Well, on the weekends he should put his foot down and tell his ex-wife that it’s not his weekend to have his son”. I explained to her that if he argued over visitation that would harm his child because the child will feel unwanted. If I happen to have my kids on a weekend that is not my scheduled weekend I just cancel my plans and remake new plans with my children.
“Oh, but Crystal this is why you don’t have a life”
I just don’t see it that way. I have children, they are young and regardless of who has them on whatever weekend, they are my priority. Oh and I absolutely do have a life; a very fabulous life that just happens to be wonderfully busy because my children are my life and there is nothing wrong with that.
I cannot help but think that my friend is being rather selfish. She should let this man go so that he can be with someone who appreciates and understands instead of someone who just demands “more” from him.
I think the conversation was an eye opener for me because I got a glimpse of what it must be like to date me. I guess dating me is pretty lonely.
1 Super Comments...:
Oh wow! I think you are supermom! :) and you are right, your friend is really selfish. But maybe she is lonely and without her children around now she feels alone and well, no life. Ironic isn't it? :)
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